Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
