I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
