So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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