she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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