When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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