Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
