if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So squirting runs in the family.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
