We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There's always time for handjobs
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
