Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
