toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm jealous of your bromance
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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