Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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