Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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