no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
