My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
