He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
