I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
