My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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