Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
and you fell through a lawn chair
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
