oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
