My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
