The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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