I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
