Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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