weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize