She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
