I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
