There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
