You can't special order awesome
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
