i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
