my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize