Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Randomize
