When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
