whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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