bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
