All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
