a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
