Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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