Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
