I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
