Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
