You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
