oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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