So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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