Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
pray to the hookup gods
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
