right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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