ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
