My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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