he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
