so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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