she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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