If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
