FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
