I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
