Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
