oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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