I accidentally had phone sex last night
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
