um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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