In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
