I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
