oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
