we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
