I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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