guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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