I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
