Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
