Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Randomize
