im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
