Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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