I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
