I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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