In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
