why didn't you poke me back
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize