I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
