We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
