I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize