The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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