The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
