he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
