Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just cut my nipple shaving
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
