I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
