Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
