So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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