Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
