I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
