i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
