I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize