Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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