Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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