Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
