Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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