I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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