Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
